Facebook. Fucking Facebook. Never before has one piece of
technology changed the way humans interact with each other as quickly and
seamlessly as Facebook. No longer are we forced to labor through a phone call,
fake a smile when talking to people in person, or even use complete sentences
when writing to people. No longer are we expected to have a grasp of basic English
grammar - excuse me, American grammar; that's right, American - and no longer are we expected to possess the social
skills needed to successfully interact with each other. Facebook has given us
all the ability to live a completely virtual life, and has made billions off of
us in the process. So I say again, fucking Facebook.
Want to stay in contact with friends across the country? No
problem. Want to own a farm? Sure! Having trouble finding jeans that work for
you? We have advertisements for jeans! Want to run a pawn shop? Well that
sounds shady, but you can do it on Facebook. I don't know about you, but I never wanted to own a pawn shop
until I found out that I could own a virtual one, and pay real money for it.
Facebook and other social networks have begun to take over our
lives. Food doesn't taste good anymore unless we post pictures of it on
Instagram, we can't accept a job interview without first updating our Linkedin
profile, and for some reason I can't seem to think in thoughts longer than 160
characters. Facebook has even starting suggesting who I should poke. Hey Facebook,
stay out of my sex life!
All jokes aside, social networking is a great way to stay
connected, attempt a late night booty call, and most importantly brag about
your life. I mean, what's the point of doing anything if you can't take a
picture of it, filter the photo to make it look better than it really is, post
it on Instagram, and hashtag it with a
#PerfectLife comment? Maybe throw in a smiley face emoticon too, so people who
may have misunderstood what you meant by your #PerfectLife comment will realize
just how happy you are.
Life just isn't worth living if you can't prove to people that
yours is better than theirs.
And unfortunately, although we have no problem letting complete
strangers know how awesome our lives are via social networking, we all feel a
certain level of mortal terror when we walk by a stranger. In complete
daylight. God forbid we actually make eye contact. So instead we retreat to the
safety of our virtual lives, where we can comment on complete strangers' photos
in peace.
Just watch. Next time you walk by somebody (especially on a college campus,
all my diligent students you), notice how they will be buried in their smart
phone, reading some fake Facebook message, and then pop their head up the
moment they pass you by.
I mean come on, I may be ugly, but this is my face; I can't take
this off.
Facebook or no Facebook, a simple smile and some eye contact would help us all loathe
ourselves a little bit less.
Sincerely,
#RecoveringFratBoy
Twitter: @RecoveringFB
Facebook: www.Facebook.com/RecoveringFratBoy
Wait..Facebook? Isn't that a double standard?
I don't know, is it?
