Trying to get someone to sleep with you

I want to start off by stating that I am not writing this in order to validate myself. Trust me when I tell you that I have been victorious in my conquests of women far fewer than the times I have been knocked down in pursuit of them (sometimes literally). One thing that I can say, however, is that I have extensive experience trying. I live by the fact that the worst thing a girl can do is shoot a guy down, and the worst thing a guy can do is allow himself to be afraid of that fact. Well, technically the worst thing either can do is give the other an STD, but it's a war out there; we all fight knowing the consequences, and the wounded bear their burden. With that being said, I want to share with you some observations I've made regarding the war that we call "trying to get someone to sleep with you."

Alcohol: We may want to rename this article to: "trying to trick a girl into drinking one too many well drinks," or maybe, "trying to trick a guy into buying you enough well drinks to get drunk, but not enough drinks to make sleeping with him seem like a good idea." Lets face it, we love to drink. Whether it's a couple beers with dinner or the 32nd beer amidst a four day bender, we love to drink and we love to be social. And no matter what anyone says, one of the main reasons we go to bars is simple: some people hope that someone will fall on their wiener, while other people hope to do the falling.

Now, it's no astute observation to point out that alcohol makes you more likely to have sex and to be honest I don't really have an observation here. I just really like alcohol. If I was forced to make a point I would say to go out and party every opportunity you can, even if its just for one drink. You never know what may end up happening.

Texting: Say you meet someone at a bar, alcohol is introduced, numbers are exchanged, but neither party seals the deal. The next logical step is to text each other until alcohol can be reintroduced. I have come to understand three important observations during this phase.

The first observation is that guys should never text girls using emoticon smiley faces. Emoticons were invented so girls could make something like "hey, we should hang out later ;)" sound more like "hey, lets try anal." Guys, leave the emoticons for the girls. Second, no guy or girl should ever double text the other. If you send someone a text and they don't respond, trust me, they got your text. Sending a follow-up text such as: "I just saw a squirrel that reminded me of you hehe also did you get my last text lol" is not helping your cause. If you have sent two or more double texts to a person of the opposite sex in the past week, you are getting played. Finally, don't be over eager. I know we all know the rule of thumb, but a guy really should wait at least two days to text a girl he just met. You know who I heard used to text girls immediately after meeting them? Ted Bundy.

Wingman (or woman): Take my friend Dan, for example. He might tell a girl that her "titties are sitting nice," and then after eight more beers may tell the same girl to "DUMP 'EM OUT!" This is not the person you want as your wingman. A guy should want a hot girl as his wingman, and a girl should want a fun loving but slightly less attractive girlfriend as her wingwoman.  For a guy, having a hot girl by his side is key. Seeing you with a hot girl will lower other girls' suspicions, and therefore their inhibitions. For a girl, making sure your wingwoman is not as hot as you is just as key. I'm sure the guy talking to you at the bar is interested in you, but I guarantee he's more interested in the name of your hot friend sitting across the table.

Well, there you have it. Thank you for reading. Thoughts?


Sincerely,

#RecoveringFratBoy