Who Needs Prostitution When There Are Frat Parties?

Last time I checked prostitution was illegal. Well, I've never actually checked, but I've been told that prostitution is illegal. I'm not quite sure where you would check on something like that, The Big Book Of Illegal Sex Acts maybe? Sounds like an awesome read. Screw the Bible, living your life by that book would be incredibly more fun.

Sadly, this life-altering book doesn't exist. If it did, I would imagine it would define the act of prostitution as "a young man in the heart of Amsterdam paying for all of his sexual fantasies." Er, I mean, I'm sure it would more accurately define prostitution as "a fat man paying a female crack addict for sexual favors." I would add to that definition by pointing out that it's important not to discriminate. The man could easily be thin, and the female could easily be addicted to meth.

As far as I'm concerned, the act of prostitution is as illegal as Bill Clinton is faithful to his wife. Guys, have you ever paid for a girl's alcohol and then later slept with her? You've paid for sex. Girls, have you ever let a guy pay for your alcohol and then later slept with him? You've been a prostitute. Guys, have you ever had a girl pay for your alcohol? Yeah, me neither. 

Before you start complaining, you have to understand that there's a reason why people refer to sorority girls as "sorostitutes," and refer to date dances as "meet and beats." And that reason doesn't stem from the jealousy of ugly, stupid, non-greek girls, no matter how hard you try and believe it. It stems from the fact that sorority girls flock to alcohol like…well, nothing flocks to something as quickly as sorority girls flock to alcohol. And we all know that the only way a fraternity guy can get a girl to sleep with him is by relying on his good looks and charm. Just kidding, he needs to get her drunk. Really drunk.

So when guys pay for alcohol knowing it will attract girls, and girls drink the alcohol knowing it was bought to lower their inhibitions, and everyone ends up sleeping with each other anyways, it sounds suspiciously like prostitution. Actually, it sounds more like a great time. 

The Point? Next time you get a girl into your room and she stops you and says, "I've never done this before." Trust me, she has. 

Sincerely,

#RecoveringFratBoy

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Ideas? I know everyone out there has had some epic fails as well as some epic triumphs in pursuit of the perfect night. Share it on my Facebook page. I'd love to hear about it, and it could inspire my next article.